Monday, January 24, 2011

Body wash

Right, I have before me two small plastic squidgy tubes each containing 30 ml, which is not very much at all, of Relaxing Body Wash and Hand and Body Wash respectively and it is required to discuss these items.

The Relaxing Body Wash is sold by Crabtree & Evelyn and if you are a Foreigner, the bottle helpfully translates matters into Gel bain douche relaxant so you know what to do with the stuff. And it contains the following:
Water (aqua)
Sodium laureen sulfate
Cocamidopropyl betaine
Lauryl glucoside
Fragrance (parfum)
PEG-7 glyceryl cocoate
Algae extract
Spirulina maxima extract
and that isn't even the half of them. We haven't even got to sodium chloride (salt) or citric acid (vitamin c) yet, and there are some truly joyful ones like Butlyphenyl methylproprional, and yes it's Butly and not Butyl, at least on the bottle, if you can call a plastic squidgy thing a bottle. There are a total of 27 ingredients of which I recognise just four, and none of them - the bottle tells me - have been tested on animals. Well thank *uck for that. It's hard to imagine an animal breeding station large enough to provide enough specimens for all these chemicals.

So. What I want to know is this.

Why is the stuff Body Wash? In what way does it differ from Hand Wash? Do the germs pollutants grit grime oils and odours of the hand differ in some measure from those of the torso? And if so, surely there are aspects of thorax and abdomen that could be explored by the specialist cleansing chemist? I am moved to suggest that Crabtree & Evelyn are missing a trick. What with the advent of recumbents we now have a need, for example, for an In Between The Shoulderblades Wash, which will very probably require perhaps a little more Linalool and the removal of Isobutylparaben from the formula. I should not like, after a sweaty ride up the valley where my shoulderblades have been pressed against the top of the seat back, to subject them unnecessarily to Isobutylparaben in the shower. Not if it hasn't already been ascertained by the Crabtree & Evelyn that Isobutylparaben is perfectly safe, at least on the shoulderblades of a few laboratory animals, before it purveys it to mine.

Oh! - Wait! - Hang on! - it's the eco.fresh Hand and Body Wash that isn't tested on animals.

So the Crabtree stuff is. Rejoice! I'm alright then! Fifty-eight rats have been subjected to Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Ethylparaben, Propylparaben and all the rest. My shoulderblades are going to be just fine.

Anyway. The burning question remains.

Whatever happened to soap?


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